Sleeeep

For the love. Just when I thought my sleep was almost kind of healthy (ie, I woke up in the morning at about the same time, and often earlier, which, while annoying, felt closer to healthy than previous sleep patterns), and I have a night of no sleep. I was awake until 4am this morning. I tried to fall asleep throughout the night and was just sooo wide awake that I gave up a few times and sat up and did a few things online to try to bring on the drowsiness through some activity. Nope. Didn't work. I finally started feeling like I could find sleep at about 4 and I was able to fall asleep finally. And then of course I slept through church completely. I loved my bed today. When I woke up today my bed was so, so comfortable, and I was so content. That is much better than waking up to anxiety like I was doing earlier this year. I didn't want to get out of bed but I had dinner at my parents. Before that I was enjoying a supremely lazy day in my jammies. Which sounds nice except for the immense guilt of missing church. Again. 

I hope that I can sleep tonight. I wish that I could just stay up all night and sleep in my bed all cozy tomorrow though. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to be reminded of the life I have that seems to be going nowhere, and that seems to be so much about how alone I am.