Control Issues

So I finally started seeing a counselor. I think I might have mentioned that before. I can't remember. It would probably help if I posted more than once a month. But one of the things she pointed out to me is that I feel secure when I have control over my environment.

Today was an insecure day. I did not have control. There was criticism of the way I do my job at work, and a meeting that did not go as expected. Fortunately my boss is supportive of how I do my job. So that's a plus. But I was feeling that same stupid feeling that I will never succeed in my new responsibilities at work. This was the irrational part of my brain. The negative sounding side of my brain. The other side of my brain assured me I will rock this job so hard they will make me the queen of the universe. Or, you know, whatever is just above my current position. But, in order to gain what control I might over my environment, I cleaned. First, I cleaned out my email inbox. Then, when that failed to bring satisfaction, I cleaned my office. There were stacks of files and piles of stuff in my office that have been begging to be dealt with all week. That at least helped me feel a semblance of control over my job by the time I went home. Hopefully as a result tomorrow I will be able to focus to get some real work done.