Thursday, October 1, 2009
What Does Support Feel Like
So The Roommate has got her own batch of issues, and she projects the issues she has with her family onto me, and I feel like she is always judging me. One of the things she does is to never be the one to initiate contact. She can walk into the apartment and literally ignore me until I initiate a conversation. Take tonight. She walks in, my door is open, I'm laying down walking TV, and she gets home and goes in the kitchen, munches on her stuff, and never comes over to my door to say hi. It is ALWAYS my job to greet her first. I know some people aren't friends with their roommates, but she was my roommate second. She's been my friend since about 15. And I've told her how depressed I am. I think she thinks she's being empathetic, but subconsciously she seems to judge me and avoid me like I have a disease. Where's my nurturing? Why won't she ask how I am?
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You might find such attention to be nurturing but maybe it isn't always as obvious to her as what your needs really are. Take it from someone ignored and basically shunned just for asking for help, for my most basic of needs to just sometimes not be alone for weeks at a time. If we don't make it clear what we need or what we want even the best can't see no matter how close or willing to help.
ReplyDeleteAs I always say, common sense isn't the same for everybody, what is obvious to you may not be for her. At least you know you'd be more attentive to others in need and I like to think it is because of pain you know what it takes to be kind. That's just my two cents though, ignore if you want ;)
--- Mike