Shhhhhhh...

I've been trying the whole talking about my feelings and talking through them and all that crap. Now I'm thinking I would like for them to hush for a while. I've been trapped in a thought pattern over and over and over and over again about things about certain friendships I would like differently. I've talked to my friends about those things. They are aware of how I would like things to be. We have talked about the crazy parts of me and what they are willing to give me. I'm not pleased with certain parts. But I can't change them. And they are not being cruel. And I am tired of feeling yucky. Now I am thinking I would like to stop talking about it. Maybe if I stop venting to other people nearby about it, and stop thinking I need to talk to my friends about it, I will be able to get myself to stop thinking it. I'm tired of thinking about it. I'm thinking over and over and over again about things that I wish that were different and about how I can't change them and then getting really irritated with myself for thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking about things that just make me feel horrible. I'm hoping I can find a way to make my brain shut up. I'm really tired of being so unhappy with friendships that are actually great, and I'm tired of struggling to get past my yucky feelings and just live in the moment and appreciate the great friends I am blessed with. I need to find a way to make my brain be still.