Life Gone to Crap

The last month has been totally awesome. And I mean that in a totally sarcastic and inauthentic way.

My job is changing in a way I don't like. If the powers that be had sat down and thought, how can we make this a job she would dread, they would have come up with this job. I think I may end up liking parts of it more than I currently think possible, but still. I'm not excited. And, because I'm a super-smart professional woman, I had a big melt-down at a meeting to discuss it and quite possibly alienated the powers that be. I definitely did not impress them.

I screwed up at work. I failed to do some Rather Important Things. This of course further impressed the Powers That Be. As a result, I'm being disciplined. The last conversation I had with my boss, she allowed me to conclude that they could very possibly fire me in the next six months. So, yeah, my morale is high. Since my boss is also my friend, I'm struggling with a whole different level of feeling betrayed, and abandoned. She couldn't even tell me she believes I'll get through this.

I got dumped. My boyfriend couldn't even just say it. He did the avoidance thing. And then either through what he said, or what he didn't say, he told my friend he was no longer interested, he just didn't want to hurt my feelings. Hello, humiliation. It's glorious to not only have your friends witness your rejection, but inform you of it. After possibly commiserating with said boyfriend over what it's like to deal with me. That's how I picture it going down.

After being insensitive to my breakup and making plans with my fresh ex-boyfriend to help her with something, when confronted, one of my supposed friends told me that it wasn't a "real" relationship anyways. It was just a few dates. Wow. Thanks, friend. I feel... even more pathetic. If only I could have a "real" relationship like you...

It's at times like these that I ask, did I bring this on myself somehow, subconsciously? Because I've had friends before who are always saying "why does this always happen to me," when really, things aren't happening *to* them. They just always feel like a victim and feel picked on when ANYTHING happens. So maybe I'm feeling like a victim right now. But it really feels like Trial City. You know that song about how whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger? I liked that song last month. Now I pretty much detest it. Bite me, perky chick.

Calm Down and Relax!

Two pieces of advise I am tired of hearing:

1. Calm down.
2. Relax.

followed closely by

3. You should try yoga.

In response:

First of all, you should never tell a woman who is all wound up to calm down. That one is easily addressed. Just don't do it.

Second, I really don't understand why people tell me to relax. Apparently I am a particularly tense person. Although, the people who seem to tell me to relax the most are the men I date. So the question is, does that mean I am an inordinately tense person, or that they make me tense in particular situations. Is it because I pick the wrong men and they make me tense, or because I'm all messed up and uptight?

Third, why is yoga so magical? The insistence in it's magical powers to cure my depression make me resent it. I don't want to try it now.  I'm feeling quite hostile towards yoga.

Unhealthy People Causing Undue Stress

My roommate is mad at me. Yes, I had a thoughtless moment. But it was fairly minor in the scheme of things, and she chose to essentially cuss me out via text because I hurt her feelings. I apologized, via text, and now she is ignoring me. She doesn't know how to express her feelings in a healthy way, and I am generally the target since she has no other close friends. I am thinking that this lease term will be our last lease term. I'm not doing her any favors by allowing her to have this hold over me, and I feel very much like I'm in an unhealthy place today, since her silent treatment means I can't find peace in my own apartment. Her disproportionate anger over any perceived injustice is exhausting. She needs to get counseling, and I've told her this over and over. She is too busy hiding from reality to get it set up. I'm frustrated and stressed, and frustrated that I am stressed.