The Part Where I want to Squish His Head

So my friend the alcoholic... I'm going to call him Red so I can stop calling him The Alcoholic. Anyways, Red just about drove me over the edge today. He's in town. Haven't seen him yet and it's been about a week. I know he is doing this purposely on some level, because in the past I've been the friend that freaks out if I don't hear from him right away, and if he spends times with others and puts me lower on the priority list. I know, crazy. I've finally simmered down. Haven't freaked out. However, he called me today, as I was nearing my destination on a road trip, about 4 hours from home. And he says he's leaving on Friday and can we get together tomorrow. Um, no. I'm far away. And you've had a week. And somehow it's my fault for not telling him that I would be out of town. Even though he didn't make it sound like he was on any kind of schedule. And he hadn't called, and I can't call him because he didn't have a cell phone. And I've asked several times what the plan is. But it's my fault for being unavailable. And then I see a message he left me on facebook (I was without computer last night) saying that he could come crash at my place and look at paring down his stuff then. Um, no, you can't. So either he hasn't read my letter, in which I very clearly stated that I cannot have him stay at my place anymore, or he's testing his limits. Also I've told him several times that I want ALL his stuff gone. I have one friend telling me that I should just throw it away. I don't want to have to be that person. Ugh. He makes me want to scream. And it hurts that he doesn't seem to care that he's not going to see me. I'm not sure if he's mad at me and deliberately punishing me, or if it's a little bit deeper and he hasn't identified that he is punishing me. But I'm pretty sure he's punishing me. And I was doing so well, but he drove it home today. Add on top of that the fact that I had a little blowup with The Roommate that involved me being self-centered and her being the victim (as usual) and I am a little agitated right now. I'm trying to be all healthy, because both relationships are not so healthy, and I am trying not to get sucked into the unhealthiness. But I definitely still have my inner harsh voice that is harder on me than any friend could ever be. And it is saying that I am a bad friend. I should have emailed him my itinerary last week. I should have sat down with the Roommate before the road trip and talked about how I've hurt her and how we can fix it. Neither of those things would really have solved anything, but I should have done those things. And the fact that I am human and that I mess up cannot relinquish me from my guilt. The Roommate doesn't accept that thoughtlessness can be forgiven, and obviously she has a valid point. Right?

Ack.