I am so tired of being alone. I am so alone. I hate how alone I am. I hate that when I am feeling lonely my way of reaching out for human contact is over instant message. I hate that I don't feel like I can call my friends. Hanging out is out of the question. They are busy with their lives. They have things to do. They have all suggested that I should find some people to hang out with. What the hell are they, if I can't hang out with them. In their minds, we're friends, but I need OTHER friends to hang out with. What is that? What makes them think other people will want to spend that much time with me if they don't want to.
One of my friends did not look well when she left work today. I was really worried about her, and checked in with her to make sure she got home ok. And it made me think, I want to be checked in on. I'm not ok. No one is checking in on me. I want someone to worry. I could die in this apartment and I'm not sure how long it would take someone to come check on me.
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You are not alone! I think people don't share their real situation.
ReplyDeleteHad to drop so many people in family & friends all the partners who were just users and or abusive in so many damaging ways.
Now im alone but cannot compromise myself for wrong company. Question is though, what now?
I've always done for self and seems everyone around me. Now im ill, lost work not able to do much, guess what? everyone's gone!
What a lesson.
Anyway just looking for ways to get out of what my GP has labelled 'maliase' I don't like the feeling of waking up without a plan for the future, without people to share ideas and work with.
Im looking to deal with myself so that the people I attract will just be human, cus I believe the saying - people were made to be loved not used, things were made to be used. But, people are using people and loving things, this is a problem!
Although I feel isolated I know there are many people like me, but put on a front, I know because I used to do this now im facing up to this depressive horrid state, but really want a solution.
I getcha. I do that too. I go to my friend's sporting events and performances...I would like someone to want to come to mine. I wish. I want them to ask when my game is. When my play is. When I'm singing. It's not hard...I do it everyday. What happened to the golden rule?
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