When Will It Get Better?

I've been trying so hard to get out of this pit-like place I am in. I've tried all kinds of vitamins, I'm talking with my doctor, I'm trying to make plans and I'm trying to stop all the negative thought. I am on the hunt for a new therapist. Okay, I haven't been exercising overmuch. I've been trying to make myself get outside and get sunshine. I've tried that whole be optimistic about your day, think positive thing. It's exhausting. I am failing. I am just so sad. I recognize I have no good reason, but the feeling just weighs me down. Sad, and/or anxious. I'm tired of it. I've prayed for relief and gotten small snippets. I've had moments of clarity where I've felt balanced and believed my life was not so bad. Those moments will not stay. My friends are all too far away or too busy. Everyone has their own lives and they can only give me so much. I try not to be crazy about demanding from them.

I feel gross. I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I've tried giving myself mental health days and it's not working. I still don't want to be at work. I have never been so unproductive and cared so little before at this job. I'm going to care when it all comes crashing down.

Make it stop.