The Secret I Don't Get

I follow the postsecret blog. It's good stuff. I highly recommend it on the off chance there is still someone out there besides my mother who has not heard of it. I love that there are so many different kinds of secrets, and so many different things that people worry about and harbor shame over. In some ways, it can be releasing. I realize that some shame I am harboring is nothing compared to the thing some other poor soul has shared with the world on postsecret. It's really beautiful to see people reach out to each other, too.

One secret that I see a lot on there in one form or another, and that I have seen expressed in writing and on TV throughout the years, confuses me just a wee bit.That is the worry expressed by some mentally ill people that taking the drug will Change Them. Make them Less. While I can see how this might be true with specific illnesses, where the drugs they use to help balance them are harsher and do make larger impacts on their personality (I've seen this first-hand in my profession), I don't understand this fear for depression. Or even for bipolar disorder. That's not to say that the fear isn't justified, or that there aren't drugs who might make them feel "off." But I have never met a clinically depressed person, or a person with bipolar disorder, who was Better off the drugs. At least that I know of. Deeper pain does not always equal deeper joy. Deeper pain can be missed opportunity for joy, and it can mean fuzzy happy feelings instead of the brilliant joy you can discover when your brain is balanced and healthy. For myself, that is how I feel. I'm thankful for my medication adn there is nothing appealing about "toughing it out." There are just more tears, more angry moments, more moments of self-flagellation. How is that fun? I know everyone is different. I'm not saying my way of dealing with depression is the best way for everyone. But for myself, with my experiences, from my perspective, I don't get what is so beautiful about going unmedicated when your brain just needs a little chemical balance. Is it a suffering artist thing? I've met happy artists. They do beautiful work. That's just my thought for the night. For me, I choose to seek a healthy brain, and hopefully a healthy life.