Crazycakes.

I feel absolutely raw inside. It has been one of the most emotional, tumultuous, horrible, agonizing weeks in my life in some ways. And much of this has centered around work, which seems a little crazy to me. I should not have been taken to such depths over work. The thing about my work is, I feel very passionately about it. I feel passionately about what I do, and the people I do it for. So it would make sense that I would have very strong emotions. But crying in meetings? In front of my boss? In front of my boss's boss, and her boss? What am I, twelve?

The sheer emotion, humiliation, agony, pain, feeling of dismissal and inadequacy... I can't even describe how ripped up I feel inside emotionally. I am exhausted. I feel so beaten down.

Add onto that the conversation I had to have with boyfriend about how he should plan time into his week to spend with me, not just to go to the gym, and do all his other things on his to-do list. Feeling really valued here. If I have to remind him he should want to spend time with me, what are we doing? It's only been 3 months... I hear this is a bad sign.

With all this rawness and this emotionalness I feel so crazy, and I think, why WOULD he want to spend time with me? I'm crazycakes! I get emotional over everything. Everything seems to be the end of the world. He told me tonight that I am just really tender. I'm like a very ripe peach whose skin is about to burst. How can he make crazy sound so beautiful. And can he really believe that? Because everything seems to be a crisis in my life right now. What is wrong with me???