Robin.

I'm not one of those people who thinks of celebrities like I know them and posts about them and their babies and their weddings and whatever like it's my business. I do have certain celebrities that I love as artists, because I like their body of work. Robin Williams is probably one of my all-time favorites. He's one of the first faces I grew to love on TV. No, not as Genie. I'm a wee bit older than that. I loved him as Mork. His wackiness and smiling face spoke to me as a child. I loved seeing him sit on his head, and say "Nanu, Nanu."  I did also love him as a teenager in roles like Mrs Doubtfire and the Genie. He had such a sweet spirit and a humor that seemed to speak to all generations alike.

I remember hearing once that Robin had mental health issues. I believe the rumor had something to do with how he was in and out of mental asylums. You know, the regular mental health stigmas magnified. I didn't worry about it too much one way or another. I've never been huge on digging into a celebrity's personal life. But I knew that he had issues at some point with depression. When I heard he passed away, I feared that it was suicide. I am so sad to have that confirmed. Robin and Mr Rogers came into my home and touched my heart when I was just a little mite. I think because I have felt connected to him since I was little, this news made me especially sad. I hate to think of that seemingly gentle, smiling funny man in such a desperate place. I hate to think of the desperation and darkness he must have been feeling. What ugly thoughts had probably worked their way into his mind and seemed so real and so large that they obstructed any joy. I think that given the recent darkness I've been feeling, it struck a little close to home. In the past year or so, I've felt more despair and loneliness than ever before. The realness of that darkness pinches at my gut when I hear about other people who couldn't make it another day. I feel just a smidgen of that kind of pain that visits me when I'm at my darkest. I wish someone could have been there to take it away from him. I wonder if he prayed, or if he felt no greater power was out there. I have all these thoughts, and then I refrain from posting them anywhere but here, on my secret blog. Because this isn't really about me. And I did not know this man. But I still feel love for the part of him he shared with the world. And I wish he could have found a little hope.